things i have divined

So, after a tumultuous few months I’m single for the first time in two years.  It’s an odd feeling seeing as I’ve been in various relationships for a good majority of my adult life.  I’ve been mulling over all aspects of my current situation, and have come up with a list of the positives and negatives.  It’s important to see the bright side, right?

Things that Rock about Being Single

• Sitting at home for entire day in pajamas watching reruns of “Kimora Lee Simmons: Life in the Fab Lane” without remote being appropriated in favor of Texans game.
• Time to work on writing, photography, dance and other creative pursuits.
• No being dragged to significant other’s holiday celebrations and having to remember mom’s cousin’s daughter’s niece’s roommate’s dog’s name.
• Getting to spend more time with friends.
• No arguing over what movie to get at the video rental store.
• I get to flirt with cute guys at shows and bars without guilt.
• Spending time with my kitty without significant other’s disdain.

Things that Suck about Being Single

• Sitting at home for entire day in pajamas watching reruns of “Kimora Lee Simmons: Life in the Fab Lane” without anyone to confiscate remote and prevent me from losing brain cells.
• Time to work on creative pursuits will instead be squandered through marathon internet sessions.
• Uncomfortable Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations in which well-meaning adults related to me will inevitably ask me if I am “seeing someone”.  Will also be compared to 19 year old cousin who is engaged and speculation on why I don’t already have a litter of children will begin.
• Friends will quickly tire of constant and pathetic badgering to “hang out with meeeeee”.
• Since I’ll be watching the movie alone, I will fall asleep halfway through with bag of potato chips spilled all over my front.
• Probability of cute guys that will flirt with me: very slim.  Probability of creepy guys my dad’s age that will want to hit on me since I’m alone: very high.
• “Crazy cat lady” accusations become frighteningly potent.

So, uh, yeah…I feel slightly less reassured now…